Silent night

There were millions of them out there. Some were sneering at him. Others were laughing at him openly. They were whispering among themselves, occasionally pointing at him accusingly. Every single one of them seemed to be enjoying looking down on him.

While half the world was asleep, he was out there in a borrowed balcony, thinking, contemplating, playing the last few scenes of his life over and over again. While others surrendered to the blissful darkness, he let silence surround him, keep him company.

He had confessed his love tonight and, in doing so, hurt the one he loved. It was the last thing he would have ever wanted to do but it became the first thing he ever did. He hurt her.

Alcohol had coursed through him for hours but it couldn't sway him. Sleep had given up on him. It had tugged at him for hours. But he had refused to give in.

He could sense their accusing eyes. Hear their silent jeers. See the glint of their fiendish smiles from afar. "What a fool", they seemed to be saying. "If only he knew what she has been through."

He hadn't been impulsive, he assured himself. Maybe the fact that he expressed it all or the way he let his heart overtake his mind and dictate his actions was impulsive. But his decision was not. That is not really in his nature. He isn't that easy.

He had certainly felt something. Something he had been hoping to feel for a long long time. He had thought about it a thousand times before. Perhaps, that is why he had instantly recognised the feeling. He had met it before, hadn't he? He had spent countless beautiful moments with it, caressed it, basked in moonlight with it, dined with it, danced with it. He had even got drunk with it. What was its name again? Yes. Love.

He was surprisingly sure. Well, he wasn't the one surprised; it was her. If only there was a way of convincing her that his mind was made up. It was made up years ago. Long before she came along. Nothing could change it now. Nothing.

But he knew how words can be sometimes. They can be achingly inconsequential.

The crowd was still mocking him. He was about to shout at them, ask them to go bother someone else. But suddenly, amongst them, he noticed some who were looking at him kindly and empathetically. Their eyes were talking to him. They seemed to say, "Have faith, my friend. All is not lost. Give it time. Draw inspiration from us. We're scattered hundreds of light years apart. Alone in the never-ending darkness of night. Understandably, with time, some of us have become bitter. In fact, every day, thousands simply give up and plunge to the ground in one final blaze of glory. But there are a precious few amongst us who have the courage to continue sparkling in the gloom."

Sleep tugged at his sleeve one last time. With a wan smile on his face, he gave in.